LA VISTA MAII MAHIU

LA VISTA MAII MAHIU

The vista is one of its kind. From the undulating plains to the forest of fresh flowering trees. The flowers are blooming and the waft in the air is appealing. It is at 2141 feet altitude. You experience a whirlwind as you try to scan the scenery. Monkeys and baboons are lovely companion in this side of the savannah. This is Mai Mahiu escarpment.

A chilly morning as mist hugs the horizon. The sun can be seen lazing from the Eastern horizon. It is trying to overcome the mist and send its radiant rays all over the place. We set out to see what we have been missing. Lots of tales have been told of Maii Mahiu panorama. Seeing is believing and so the journey is commenced.

Nairobi Shuttle is the means of locomotion chosen. Ngong is such unforgiving yet sweet place weather speaking. It is very cold and almost freezing. We snake our way through the chronic jam that characterizes Ngong road. Buses are bumper to bumper. Some are trying to overlap on the wrong side. Expletives are exchanged between drivers stuck in wrong side without exception. They say it is like a ritual to them. You have to have a ‘dirty mouth’ to weather this storm of driving along this route. They are already accustomed to it.

After an hour we make it past Nairobi central business district. Destination is Rift Valley – the land of enjoyment. Seated in a corner a notebook and a pen on the ready, I listen to some Bongo music as I feed my curious eyes. We pass through Westland with the bus now cruising. There are no potholes and the air is cool and cathartic. You realize that people on this side are the real occupants of Nairobi. They live the city and not survive in the city.

We pass through Kangemi, Uthiru, Kinoo and Kikuyu. These places are teaming with traders of various wares. On my window I can sample how Kenyans are a hard working lot. If not a ‘mahindi choma’ stand somewhere, there is a man peeling off sugarcane on the roadside. Women are not to be left behind. Most are running along the vehicles as they entice the passengers with peeled pineapples, mango, oranges and apples. You realize we are an agricultural hub indeed.

At Limuru the weather takes a turn for the worse. It is very cold. Trees are all over and the breeze is titillating. It leaves you in nostalgia. Do you wrap yourself in isolation or stick out your nose out and breeze through? I find it alluring as I enjoy goose bumps forming on my hands. The road is winding with bends at unforgiving corners. Your heart skips a pulse every time the driver swerves to avoid an oncoming vehicle. But again you remind yourself that this is what makes such expeditions fun and forever memorable.

We manage to leave Limuru weather behind after a half an hour of top speed driving. We are alerted with our guide to let our eyes do the talking. He tells us we are now approaching the famous escarpment and we should leave no scene unturned literally by the eye.  The scattered vegetation, sparse homes and monkeys manning the roads are some of things that catch our eyes at first. Close control of the brake and steering wheel is of utmost importance. The road is hanging menacingly on the edge of the escarpment and it winds at dangerous corners where head on collision is a reality. We are told to hold our breath every time the bus veers and swerves as that is a common thing in this road.

We are now face to face with Maii Mahiu. We alight from the bus with cameras on the ready to forage what is on offer. We are divided into a group of three. We start our journey into this auspicious experience. I tell you, it is love at first sight. I am left in awe as I imagine what we have been sitting on for long without exploring.

There are small huts built along the escarpment which are used for viewing. We enter one called ‘Hakuna Matata’. In here we are given leopard skin to wear complete with slippers made of tyres commonly known as ‘akala’. We are told to take our time and feel free. We are given binoculars to aid us in our viewing. It is heart wrenching as we zoom in and out from 2141 feet up. It is simply breath taking. At the foot of the escarpment are scattered villages with few homesteads. We can see goats, sheep and cattle grazing from our binoculars. The vegetation leading to the foot is dense, green and inhabited by wild animals.

Monkeys jump from one tree to the other with the accuracy of a surgeon. Baboons are eating away the bananas we are throwing at them with swag. You take a moment to recall evolution theory as these primates behave exactly like human beings. And did I talk of the snakes? I saw all kinds of snakes from cobra to black mamba.

The icing on the cake wound up our sojourn. We were taken on an aerial view of the place in a hot air balloon. With lack of a better word, I would say it was stupendous! I have never been airborne and being a first in such an environment made it the more thrilling. I wish hot air balloons could replace planes. For those who are looking for a way to throw away the weekend then Maii Mahiu escarpment is the place to be.

MOURINHO COSTS CHELSEA TWO POINTS

MOU COSTS CHELSEA TWO POINTS

A teacher and a student met last Sunday in an epic battle of two finest managers when it comes to football wit and tactical organization. It was a battle that was billed as David verses Goliath (read Manchester United vs Chelsea). It is always told that a student should always be better than the teacher. For instance, a teacher produces an engineer, a doctor or even a president. In this case, the teacher outwitted his student and by far.

Tactics

Van Gaal knew that he stood no chance of beating steam rolling Chelsea team so he devised a plan to contain them. He had a whole weak to plan it. He already knew his starting eleven and so he assigned them roles in prior which they practiced during the week. The most prominent was that of Marouane Fellaini. He was assigned the role of stopping Fabregas from dictating play from midfield and he did it religiously. This is where Mourinho failed.

He should have seen this and asked Oscar to drop back and Fabregas up top. This would have made Fellaini to play out of position and brought imbalance in the Manchester United’s midfield. How? Make Fabregas drift towards Luke Shaw and then pull Fellaini with him. Players would have shifted to the flank leaving the other flank free. This would have given Hazard a free reign on the left side facing an already booked Rafael. This would have made it interesting as Hazard has speed and Oscar would make passes from deep sitting next to Nemanja Matic. The immobile Drogba would also benefit from an exposed defensive line featuring Rojo and Smalling occasioned by Fellaini leaving Daley Blind exposed to runs from Matic.

Playing with Drogba seemed to favour Man United. They played high defensive line as they knew he could not stretch them. He is not Remy or Costa. Remy plays on the shoulder of defenders so they cannot risk a high defensive line while Costa runs at them and so they have to be as close as possible to their goalkeeper. Mourinho would say he had no other option but he should have substituted Drogba early.

Substitutions

Van Gaal only made one substitution. He removed the ineffective Mata and in came Wison. This was to add some bite to their attacking play where Van Persie was shackled by both Terry and Cahill. Mourinho made uncalled for substitutions which caused the team to lose two points. Oscar was tiring but he had no replacement on the bench. Mikel did not do anything of substance apart from misplacing passes and sticking too close to the defense. He made the work more difficult to Matic who had to mop out his mistakes. Why was Zouma brought in if I may ask? This made United to sense panic in Chelsea and they duly exploited it.

At 80 minutes Schurle should have come in to bring with him his usual bust of speed. Willian should have stayed to help Ivanovic keep Di Maria in check. He left and the response was swift. Di Maria got a highway and killed Ivanovic for pace. He had not managed his slaloming runs and incisive passes until that point. A foul and a goal was the result of that substitution. Ivanovic would have been in the position where Fellaini and Van Persie got a free ride to shoot and re-shoot.

After the substitution of Oscar, Rafael got his grove back. He combined well with Januzaj and brought telling crosses from his wing. He had nobody to disrupt his runs. The withdrawal of Hazard made it worse. He now had the free license to roam as he pleased.

Composure

Van Gaal was calm personified. He had no need to hug the touchline. He had done his job during the week and his subjects were executing it to the letter. Mourinho on the other hand panicked and this affected his charges. They were booked en masse. Against United I did not expect such bookings if it did not happen against City. The midfield panicked and went into unnecessary challenges. A case in point is that of Oscar. Chelsea lost composure starting from the manager and this trickled down to the players.

Verdict

I do not see Chelsea going unbeaten. They need to have tactical options when things fall apart. They have fantastic spirit but they need to start killing off games to stand a chance of claiming the crown ahead of Manchester City.

Courtoius is a justified number one. He kept Chelsea in the game. He is commanding at crosses and is able to play with his feet. This sets him ahead of Cech for sure.

NO TO AWAY MATCHES

SAY NO TO AWAY MATCHES

When Dead Beat Kenya page did its rounds on facebook, I never gave it a damn. I knew come what may, my name could not appear there. I have never been a father or sired someone unknowingly. Surely, I got nothing to do with it. To make matters worse or better depending on which side you are in, I am neither rich or from a well to do family. So I gave it a wide snub it deserved.

In a well arranged room with chairs all rounds. The room is well lit with neon emitting bulbs on the ceiling. Revelers are galloping their pints away in a relaxed manner. I am seated among them although I am drinking my soft drink as I await a match pitting my club Chelsea against Aston Villa to commence. I am a teetotaler and thus I am allergic to hard drinks.

The room is filled with noise as the players emerge from the tunnel. Haters are supporting our opponent in the hope that we get defeated. I am as calm as usual. I have watched too many matches to panic. I consider myself a veteran in this field. On the 82 inch television set the match kicks off. The match is barely in its tenth minute when the unexpected happens.

The story follows this script. This girl approaches where we are seated with friends in calculated steps. She is made of curves and what have you. She must have been created on Friday. She is an epitome of beauty I tell you. We are instantly distracted from the match as we appreciate what mama gave this beauty. I wish her away almost immediately as I go back to watch the match. She comes straight to me and this gets my attention once again. I am confused as I have never seen her before. My heart starts to beat as I hope for the best while expecting the worst.

All eyes are on me now. Some revelers have started whistling perhaps cheering me on to open up. I am still dumb founded as this damsel drops the bombshell. “You can run the while but you can never escape your responsibility,” she says in a raised voice. Everybody is caught by surprise. They know me as a guy who does not play away matches. What was this girl saying or is it a case of mistaken identity? All seem to enjoy our free spectacle.

I feel like the earth should open up and swallow me whole. She goes on, “you escaped the Facebook shaming but this one you will not dodge.” I still do not know what to say. Everyone seems to enjoy this rare spectacle than the football match which is still going on. “Why play the fool, come on and talk?” she prods me. “Be active as you were when you were spraying your bullets,” she adds while pointing at her tummy. From the look of it, she seems to be between five and six months. I try to take stock of my escapades during the period to see if she features anywhere. Nothing close to her image appears on my mind. I am always a one man guitar and neither do I go on binge drinking nor overnight parties and so I cannot fathom how this could have happened.

I did not want to waste more time as my silence could be used against me. It could mean I am responsible but just trying to escape from my seed. I muttered some incoherent words of this nature, “Madam, with all due respect go and find another sponsor for your child. I got no money to feed the both of you.” This drew laughter from the room. This was like an antidote that I craved. I regained my senses. I was now at ease with myself.

Her parting shot was hard to swallow as it was funny. “Tukutane kwa mtandao kama huwezi kubali mbegu yako,” (Let us meet on the internet if you do not want to accept your seed) she said as she made for the exit. For a while I was thrown off balance. I have heard eye witnesses talking of ‘ni kama ndrama, ni kama video’ but I never thought I would be a witness to such. What I went through could only be possible in a movie. The experience left me empty such that I did not even celebrate my club’s triumph.

I later learnt that this was a hoax by my friend to make me take back my words. I have always been this total man who could not be moved by any drama involving earthly desires. I told him that I am ‘unbwogable’ as I know I am a one team man. So he vowed to teach me a lesson. If this is what Dead Beat fathers go through then I would advice any man who is able to sire to play away matches with new boots and shin pads lest they get injuries!

I WILL RISE ANYWAY

I WILL RISE ANYWAY

Someday somewhat I will rise anyway

From the deep embers of hopelessness

To the highest point of selfless stardom

And be a fierce fighter for true freedom

Seeking a society free of the man eaters

Who care not about the ordinary citizen

Someday somewhat I will rise anyway

To give voice to the voiceless that is us

A tool to bring forth equity and justice

And bring hope to the hopeless at last

A sincere sacrifice deep from the heart

Someday somewhat I will rise anyway

Above the enclaves of tribal shackles

And embrace the diversity in Kenya

Calling for all and sundry to unite as one

Focusing on our similarities not differences

Someday somewhat I will rise anyway

Beyond the chronic despair that is my life

And share my story to act as an inspiration

That nothing is impossible with determination

Though we may lose the battle but never the war

Someday somewhat I will rise anyway

And lead a revolution of the like-minded

Without shedding of blood of the innocent

For the sake of selfish gains of few people

But to emancipate the poor from the rich

And herald sanity in building the nation

TYRANNY OF LOVERS

By Collins Ogola

@gentlenique

TYRANNY OF LOVERS

He knew he had to do it. Dark tan in colour, rectangular and strong in stature – this is Hezekiah’s bed. It is neatly spread and the mattress is still in good health. You may wonder why he has to replace his bed. It is not rickety, weak or its nuts falling. But his mind was made up. There was no convincing him otherwise. It is the shoe wearer who knows where it pinches, so they say.

Stout, dark in complexion and a bit top-heavy in built. This is Hezekiah for you. He has been in this town for the past ten years. He now considered himself part of the community. They also embraced him as their own. He had a sweet tongue and trickery of a hare. He epitomizes the phrase: I came, I saw, I conquered. He had circled around the world of ladies and he knew there was no corner left to explore anymore.

Hezekiah is not young anymore. He is in his middle thirties. He has kissed many frogs and now he thinks he has found his princesses. He says, “This bed has known many visitors than that of lodging.” “I have lost count of them but I am sure they are more than sixty-seven,” he adds his face lightening up. He seems proud of his all conquering escapades while at the same time you can feel a tinge of regret in his voice.  His bed has gone through hell and back, literary speaking. It had seen different shapes and curves. Some out rightly out of imagination others just there.

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Hezekiah succinctly remembers how he started his chain philandering. He had no job and so he had lots of time to woo any girl around. He had mastered his art and perfected it with each passing day. He made it his job, a form of self-employment but his had no profit attached to it. “I used to dress smartly and head for town and pick on any girl I met. I would promise them my love and we would head to my house,” he narrates. It is common knowledge that ladies love men who are smartly dressed as they are close to financial stability that ladies so much crave in their men. He knew he would fool them with it so he made sure he was smart every time he stepped out of his house.

Men who can cook are like a magnet to women but those who can cook chapatti are like rubies to ladies. Hezekiah would prepare chapatti for the ladies. This was his master plan. He knew no lady would resist him after all. “I would cook them chapatti and serve them like queens. Many men do not do this to their ladies and so they were taken by surprise and you could feel their hearts melting,” he says pointing at his tools of work. “My pan, roller and ingredients have been my partners in crime,” he says while laughing.

He would go ahead and draw out his last card. He had mastered his game like a chess player. “I would open the window and allow some breeze to come in. The lady would feel cold and sleepy. She would cling on me for warmth. The rest would be history,” he points out. He would not fail to satisfy his earthly desires with this mastered routine.

If his bed could talk then it would write a novel of a thousand pages. It knew all his secrets. Maybe this is the reason why he is determined to do away with his past and start a fresh life. His bed represented his past and for a fresh life, it had to go. “This bed has known more than sixty-seven ladies. There comes a time when you say enough is enough and I think the time is now,” Hezekiah says with seriousness I have not seen before. Truly, there was no turning back for this young man. He had satisfied the insatiable and now he wanted to settle down for life.

Hezekiah has now found the lady who makes his heart beat. He did not initiate her through his usual rituals as he knew she was the one. “I am sure I have found my missing rib,” he says with conviction. This is uncharacteristic of Hezekiah. “I am over this game of numbers. I want to settle down and be called somebody’s father,” he adds. He had moved away from wanting to sleep with any Tom, Dick and Harry. One who finds a wife finds happiness and now Hezekiah seemed such.

When you love somebody so much you can do anything for them. “I would not want my wife to be to lie on this bed and that is why I am changing it,” remarks Hezekiah. Love conquers and it is clearly evident that Hezekiah has been conquered.